Tuesday, 10 May 2011

On events yesterday and what goes on in the head of a cyclist.

I have had my share of bad luck and crashes.

I too nearly followed a fate like that of Wouter Weylandt, but I have no recollection of it. I just remember the first two corners of the race up the first hill of the day, then blank... The next recollection I have is waking up in funchal hospital with a doctor asking me irritating questions and saying "Tens um Glasgow de 13, está tudo bom" -you have a Glasgow of 13, everything is good. I'm still not really sure what a Glasgow is, but apparently 13 is good. I was even catheterized, received five blood transfusions and evacuated by helicopter... But again all I remember is that black void so deep as to completely dispel any fanciful notions I may have had of a heaven or hell.

Two weeks later I was on my bike. I was so weak because I lost 8kg in hospital. I was completely clueless, perhaps I shouldn't have been riding? I knew nothing of nothing and felt, what I believed it must feel like when a baby leaves the dark for the light. I remember that everything from that October seemed brilliant and beautiful -everything! Everything was full of magical beauty; from the gentle tingling warmth of the sunlight, the ravines on the island and the winding roads, the warm atlantic lapping the coast bellow. I even felt beauty in the pain. The worst that life can throw at you, is better than the endless nothingness of the void.

I've chosen not to recall that month too much because of cowardice. It's very hard to stare your fears and complexes straight in the eye. The whole thing just scares the shit out of me, even six years later.

It's an experience I hold precious and has given me another perspective on life. Ironically it is a perspective I had began to loose in the past two years: Wouter Weylandt brought it back.

Sieze the moment and enjoy everything that life throws at you. Do your best with every minute you have and be thankful for this time. Do not get caught up in petty conundrums and upset about bullshit. Survive and be strong. Enjoy every minute of the journey and the chalenges you face.

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