So after running my problems through my mind over and over and not finding a solution, it finally clicked in a conversation with my boss ~"I am expected do the work, I want to do the work correctly and well" I said; it just rolled of my tongue... And it was then that it clicked. I have been unhappy because I have been down on form. I was training heavily while I had some virus which manifested itself mainly as sinusitis.
In this period I blamed everything and everyone, I was thinking how I should give up cycling, how others don't help or listen: But never getting closure on the problem, never finding the solution. I have been performing well in other areas of life like academia and other little project I have, but I was still mulling things over and being negative.
The problem is, I love cycling, I love my weekends away "fighting in the arena". Sure my poor mood the past few weeks budded from money worries, but those worries were that I may not be able to do what I love for a living. Sure I frustrated that when we do race against the big teams, we do so well. Yet we spend half our time racing amateur races. But my mood is linked to my form.
Realizing this was a huge weight of my shoulders. I hope I recover well and race excellently, especially at the Volta a Portugal where I want to help bring my team to victory.